Week Two Picks
Grant Hart is dead. So this week is already officially filled to overflowing with suck. Thanks for nothing, universe.
Oh, also, my week one football picks didn’t work out so great. I went 9-6 straight up, 8-7 against the spread. I suppose I could have done worse (particularly against the spread). But I could have done a lot better. Let’s see which direction this miserable week takes me in.
Here’s what not to expect.
Houston (+6.5) at Cincinnati
Both of these teams suffered embarrassing losses in their home openers on Sunday. One of them has to fare at least somewhat better this time out. I’m thinking it’ll probably be the one that isn’t starting a rookie quarterback in a road game on short rest. Just, you know, a hunch. Bengals by two touchdowns.
Tennessee (-2.5) at Jacksonville
Put me down as yet one more person inclined to think both Jacksonville’s big road win and Tennessee’s big home loss in week one had less to do with the teams facing off here than with the quality of their respective opening weekend opponents. Tennessee by a field goal.
Cleveland (+7.5) at Baltimore
I don’t know when we’ll find out whether the Ravens defense is for real. But I feel fairly confident it won’t be this week. Baltimore logs another shutout, while once again putting double digits on their side of the scoreboard.
Buffalo (+7.5) at Carolina
Facing the Panthers in Charlotte may prove a bit more challenging than hosting the Jets. I think. Carolina by six.
New England (-6.5) at New Orleans
The Patriots played terribly in all three phases of the game in their opening night home loss to the Chiefs. That’s not something you expect to see from New England in one consecutive game let alone two. And given that the Saints will be playing on short rest following their own lackluster losing effort in Minnesota Monday night, I’m thinking that if the Patriots can get it right on offense and special teams this time around, that should be enough to get the job done. Patriots by a touchdown.
Arizona (-7.5) at Indianapolis
It would appear there’s a chance that no matter who lines up behind center, the Colts are just an awful team. Cardinals by 10.
Philadelphia (+4.5) at Kansas City
I knew the Chiefs were a good team heading into the season. They may yet be better than I realized. Kansas City by nine.
Minnesota (+6) at Pittsburgh
I’d pick the home team in this matchup no matter where it was being played. Pittsburgh by three.
Chicago (+7) at Tampa Bay
The Buccaneers finally get to open their season. And they do it with a win. Tampa by 10.
Miami (+4.5) at LA Chargers
The Dolphins also get a late start on kicking off their 2017 campaign. The Chargers, meanwhile, officially take a run at starting that new tiny stadium trend they’ve been talking about. Los Angeles Jr. by seven.
NY Jets (+14) at Oakland
The Jets reportedly are planning to make the most of their final visit to the Black Hole by cosplaying as a real NFL football team. They won’t play like one, of course. But one can only ask so much. Raiders by 20.
Washington (+2.5) at LA Rams
The Racists are probably better than the Colts. Probably. Rams by four.
Dallas (-2) at Denver
The Cowboys are almost certainly better than the Chargers. Better than the Broncos, too, for that matter. Dallas by six.
San Francisco (+13.5) at Seattle
Oof! Seahawks by 17.
Green Bay (+2.5) at Atlanta
The Falcons caught a break when they drew the Bears as their opening week opponent. Here’s where the Super Bowl hangover kicks in. Packers by six.
Detroit (+3.5) at NY Giants
The Lions are still a better team than they get credit for being. But the Giants are a much better than the team we saw on the field last Sunday night. Better, probably healthier, and playing at home makes a huge difference. New Jersey by five.
