This Football Blog

On the one hand, I’m every bit as sick as the rest of the world of hearing and reading about the whole thing with Randy Moss pretending to moon the Green Bay fans after a touchdown in last week’s Vikings-Packers Wild Card playoff game. On the other hand, I’ve got a few things I want to say about the situation myself. So what am I to do? Well, shit, man, it’s my damned blog, so I’m gonna say what I’ve got to say.

None of what I have to say has anything to do with whether what Moss did was as hideously offensive as it’s been made out to be. It didn’t offend me, but I’m not everyone. And frankly, I don’t care if it was offensive. I’ve just never been one of those people who believe being offended is such a goddamn terrible thing.

I also don’t care about whether Moss was just turning the tables on fans who moon opposing teams’ buses on their way out of town. I mean, sure, that makes what Moss did a lot funnier than if it had come out of nowhere, but it doesn’t make it any wiser or better (or for that matter more foolish or worse) a thing to do.

And neither can I work up a whole lot of energy over the poor sportsmanship the move exemplifies. I can’t for the life of me understand how anyone could expect anything but poor sportsmanship out of an asshole like Randy Moss. It’s what he does. And he’s hardly the only professional athlete who prides himself on acting like a jackass most of the time. Nor is he the only one who’s rewarded for such behavior by fans and the media. So what the fuck. When in Rome, right?

The things I find most interesting (amusing, really) about the whole deal are the reactions of Vikings owner Red McCombs and the NFL.

McCombs response to the incident was to ask Fox TV to move play-by-play guy Joe Buck out of the booth for the Vikes upcoming game. That makes a lot of sense. Shows a lot of class and concern for sportsmanship, too. Nice one, Red.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think Joe Buck is as pure an ass as you’ll find in an NFL broadcasting booth. And his over-the-top reaction to Moss’s celebration (you had to hear it live to truly appreciate it, but lemme just point out that it included Buck apologizing to viewers for the fact that we’d been made to witness such a “disgusting act”), was just plain ridiculous. But come on, now, Red. The guy was expressing an opinion, which is part of his job. And if you ran a team that was a bit less willing to let the esteemed Mr. Moss get away with whatever the hell he chooses to do whenever he chooses to do it, there probably wouldn’t have been anything for Joe Buck to overreact to. If you’re afraid to tell Randy to get his shit under control, you’ve gotta live with the fact that some people are gonna criticize him and you and your team. It’s your choice, but you’ve gotta take whatever comes, good or bad, of the choice you make.

The league’s response is even funnier. The NFL hit Moss with a $10,000 fine for the incident, which, given how many millions of dollars the man makes, pretty much amounts to saying, “Well, we guess we’d better do something to make it look like we give a shit about this stuff.” I can think of two better ways of handling such matters. If you really don’t give a shit about this stuff, come right out and say so. Just make a statement saying, “You know what? If Randy Moss wants to mime a moon, that’s just dandy by the NFL.” I guarantee you, no one but Joe Buck will mind. Or, if you really do give a shit about this stuff, stop handing out minor fines for it. Stop handing fines entirely, in fact. Instead, make any end zone celebration that amounts to flagrant showboating — that is, not a dance, not a team celebration, not the Lambeau leap, but stuff like pulling out a Sharpie and signing a ball, running to midfield and spiking the ball, pulling out a cell phone and pretending to make a call, or pretending to moon the crowd at an away game — subject to an unsportsmanlike conduct call enforced on the kickoff (or on the PAT). That is if you really want to put an end to this stuff (and I’m not saying you should; I don’t care either way). Because I promise you that if that shit results in a player’s team having to kick off from its own 15, or missing what should be an automatic point after, or losing all hope of making a crucial two-point conversion — that shit will stop. No fine you can assess can possibly equal pressure from a player’s coach and teammates.

What does any of this stuff have to do with this weekend’s Divisional Playoffs? Not a damned thing. But I went and wrote it all anyhow.

One thing that happened in the Minnesota-Green Bay game that does have something to do with the upcoming slate of games is the fact that the Vikings won. And, no, I’m not just talking about the fact that the upset in Green Bay sent the Vikes to Philadelphia and the Rams (who also pulled off an upset victory last week) to Atlanta. I’m talking about the fact that that game illustrated for anyone who’s been paying attention that the NFC’s group of playoff qualifiers is probably only truly two deep. That is, you’ve got two real playoff teams, the ones that had week one byes (the Eagles and Falcons), and then the rest of the conference post-season teams, each of which was as good as the next. And despite all the talk I’ve been hearing about how the Rams might give the Falcons a good game on Saturday, I’m quite confident that the gulf between the top two seeds and the rest of the conference playoff teams will play out over this weekend.

Here’s the rest of what I see coming up:

NY Jets (+8.5) at Pittsburgh
Here’s your evidence that long-term trends almost never tell the whole story in the NFL. Home teams in the divisional playoff round boast a winning average of better than .800. There are good reasons for that. Those teams have had a week to rest, and, of course, they got the week off and the home game because they played well enough during the regular season to earn it. So that clearly favors Pittsburgh here. Then again, rookie quarterbacks have a horrible history in the playoffs. There’s a good reason for that as well. As anyone close follower of the NFL can tell you, playoff football is an entirely different game than regular season football. It’s faster. It’s harder hitting. And you have win week after week against the best teams in the league. That’s why in the Super Bowl era, only one rookie QB, Shaun King playing for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 1999, has ever won a playoff game. (And the Bucs barely won that game, beating the Washington Redskins 14-13 by virtue of a pair of turnovers deep in Redskins territory that set up both Tampa Bay scores and a bad snap that cost Washington its chance to attempt what would have been a game-winning field goal. A week later, the Bucs lost to the St. Louis Rams in the NFC Championship.) That, of course, would appear to bode ill for Pittsburgh and its rookie quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Trouble is, one of those overwhelming long-term statistics will mean nothing to the outcome of this game. And since there’s no guessing which one it’ll be, you have to kind of forget both. The only thing that makes sense, then, is to look at what happened the last time these teams played, which was in week 14 (not too long ago) at Pittsburgh. Jets quarterback Chad Pennington, just back from an injury, threw three interceptions that day. And the Steelers held Curtis Martin, the league’s leading rusher, to 72 yards on 24 carries (plus 35 yards on three catches). Can they do that again? Probably not. In their previous meeting, Martin had 174 yards, so he can surely do well against the Steelers defense if things go right for him. And if Pennington has a better day, giving the Jets D a chance to rest some, New York can probably keep things a good bit closer, maybe even give themselves a chance to win it. Also, Roethlisberger hardly had a stellar day in that last game with the Jets. He went nine for 19 with 144 yards, two interceptions and no TDs (though, in fairness, he might easily have ended up with one touchdown, if his team hadn’t had running back Jerome Bettis throw into the end zone on a trick play from the 10 yard line). But the Steelers are a 15-1 team for good reason. Their D is tough to penetrate (the toughest in the league, in fact). And Roethlisberger, despite his struggles in that last game with the Jets, appears to have a better head on his shoulders than any rookie QB I’ve ever seen. I don’t see the Jets losing by eight and a half, but I don’t see them winning either. I like Pittsburgh to come out of a tough, hard-fought game by about a field goal, maybe less.

St. Louis (+7) at Atlanta
The Rams’ victory last week over a Seattle Seahawks team they’d beaten twice during the regular season (accounting for a quarter of their eight victories) appears to have a good number of people believing the Rams of a few years ago have been reborn and are poised to hammer their way through the playoffs. I’m not so sure. I see a team that only qualified for the playoffs because it’s in a weak conference that beat an opponent that only qualified for the playoffs because it’s in a weak conference. I see a team that doesn’t match up well defensively against Atlanta’s offense. I see a team that needs to contain Falcons quarterback Michael Vick in order to win this game and that showed no ability pull off anything nearly so difficult during the course of the regular season. I see a crushing defeat at the hands of the team that I believe will be representing the NFC in the Super Bowl in three weeks. Take the Falcons and give the points.

Minnesota (+9.5) at Philadelphia
Last week, I called the Vikings the team least worthy of its playoff berth. I was wrong. The Vikes stepped up and beat the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field. And although I believe that mostly just proves that the Packers didn’t belong in the playoffs either, I have to respect the Vikings, particularly quarterback Daunte Culpepper, who was amazing in that game, and asshole wide receiver Randy Moss, who played better hurt than most guys play healthy. This week, I’ll say that the Eagles are the team that least deserves to win in the playoffs. They chose not to show up for their last two regular season games, having shored up home-field advantage throughout early on, and there ought to be a price to pay for that. In fact, I’m sure the Eagles will pay, but not this week. The Vikings, while clearly playing with heart, are outclassed by the Eagles even without star wideout Terrell Owens (also an asshole). The Vikes will lose, but not, I think, by more than a touchdown.

Indianapolis (+2.5) at New England
Here’s the game the whole football watching world, except for Patriots fans, apparently expects to end in an upset. Peyton Manning and the Colts offense, conventional wisdom has it, will simply prove to be too much for an injury-plagued Patriots D. They’ll score maybe 40 points and they’ll finally break their long losing streak in Foxborough, paving their way to the trip to the Super Bowl they’re perceived to deserve. Trouble is, all those Indy backers, fans and experts alike, appear to have forgotten a few things. Like, say, the fact that New England, too, has an offense. A good offense. A better offense, in fact, than the one that beat Indy in the AFC Championship game last year and again at the start of this season. And the Pats D, in spite of injuries, has played exceptionally well all season. Let’s look at what the numbers say, shall we? The Colts offense is first in the league in points scored with 522 (32.6 a game). They face a Patriots defense that’s second in the league in points allowed with 260 (16.3). The Pats offense, meanwhile, is fourth in the league in scoring with 437 (27.3). It faces a Colts D that’s 19th in points allowed with 351 (21.9). Even without considering the fact that the Colts have amassed a good part of their impressive offensive stats playing indoors on turf and will be facing New England outdoors on grass (where the Colts don’t play well), that’s advantage Patriots. Furthermore, despite last weekend’s results, it remains axiomatic that you have to be able to run the ball on offense and stop the run on defense to win in the playoffs. The Patriots average 133.4 yards per game on the ground (seventh in the league) while the Colts average 115.8 (14th). The Patriots, meanwhile, allow only 98.3 yards per game on the ground (sixth) while the Colts allow 127.3 (24th). That sort of tells a story, doesn’t it? In the words of the great Foghorn Leghorn, “You can argue with me, but you can’t argue with figures.” The Pats win 35-31.